she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the condom got lost in my hair
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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