I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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