There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
