i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
