mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize