You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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