dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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