is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
