And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
