Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The ass gains better be worth it
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