I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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