I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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