Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
