Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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