How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
