I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
