Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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