I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
