Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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