You're so nebulous sometimes
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she peed on how many people?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
