fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
vagina is talking i cant
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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