Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
