I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
