She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
