2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
