How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
