I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
