I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
