sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
