Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize