The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
