you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
