Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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