Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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