I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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