smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
