Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
