were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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