If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
