My hand turned me down
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
