i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
should my penis look like a turkey
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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