it wasn't lemon gatorade
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
