I hate your face
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
