apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it's great music for shaving your balls
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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