She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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