It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
