Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
