i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
