Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
