i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
