Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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