the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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