I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
