I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
