Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
