I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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