she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
