I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
