I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize