I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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