I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
