it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
