I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
