We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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