we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
