I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
