Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
