dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
