Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
