I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
