okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
